Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
