K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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