She went from zero to smokin in five shots
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
