im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
