dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Randomize
