At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
