I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
