Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
