I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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