Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
