Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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