Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
