I just cut my nipple shaving
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
