Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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