I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
