I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
