He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
