I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
