she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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