Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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