Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
