a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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