I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
