if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize