i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
