i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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