Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
