in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
