I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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