I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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