kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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