Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i wish my penis had a tongue
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
