I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My bed smells like the plague
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
