david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize