Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
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It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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