Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
