so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
