and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
