ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
