My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
