This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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