Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
