he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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