I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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