Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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