I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
