well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never un-have a 4some
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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