I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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