I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
