We're like a lot better than the average bears
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
