I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
