and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
ttyl tear gas
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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