If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
