I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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