I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
