i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
