I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
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i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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